Megan.lol.

I really cannot wait to start job hunting. I think it might just be because I’ve learned that working at a news station after graduation wouldn’t be the worst thing. It would be a wonderful think. So next year I hope to be at either an early career program at NBC in New York or at a cable news station in Wichita, KS =)

Do you ever get those really snide one word remarks that just by the way they sound you know they are full of sarcasm and just outright condescending?

Why is it that when I’m left alone with just my uncle, I seem to feel worse and worse about myself practically every minute that he is talking to me? I don’t take enough pride in my work, and I go to cheap and below average college, I don’t put forth enough effort in anything really, and oh yea I’m a fatty. Duh! So here’s how it goes down about twenty minutes ago; he’s helping me pull out the sofa bed and talks to me about the idea that I stay here for about ten more days and he’ll drive back with me to New Mexico becuase he has a 30 year High School reunion that he might go to. After we discuss it for a few minutes I continue to unpack and get pajamas out to go to bed and he asks me “Megan, do you like to exercise?”, I immedietly answer with a “Yes” because it’s true and because I couldn’t imagine how the conversation would continue had I said “No”. So he looks at me and says, “Really” just as condescending and snide as you can imagine. Ok, now I’m not in denial, anyone can guess just by looking at me that I don’t srun ten miles a day, let alone one mile. So he challenges me, tomorrow morning to go running up to the gym, workout, break a sweat. “You would be so much more attractive” he says “and you being 21, you should be able to keep up with anyone, can you? Of course you can’t”. Ok fine, thank you.

Now, once again, I don’t want to sound like a totally lazy food addicted obese person, but thats not the way you approach anyone to lose weight. I don’t have a problem with exercise, its fine, I can’t do it as well as the next person, but that doesn’t mean that i’ve never done it ever. I digress, I’m not against it, I just think that it could have been handled differently. So he goes on to say that one of the reasons he’s not sure if he wants to go on a road trip to NM with me is because of my physical condition. That, if heaven forbid, the car were to break down in the hot Arizona heat at noon and we had to venture out on foot, would I be able to make it. Would I be able to handle a brisk walk in the heat for ten miles.

You know, I can go on and on and this wouldn’t seem like an issue to anyone else. So my uncle wants me to lose weight, be healthier, is that so difficult? No, its not. Exercise is not the issue here, its that after all the time i’ve been here, getting on his nerves, he chooses now, under the present circumstances to say, you should be able to do anything, and you can’t. And the only reason I’m dreading this, is because I know that he is going to be overly critical of over step I make, not encouraging, but condescending. And with my personality, that won’t help me. For instance, right now I don’t feel happy and motivated, I feel terrible and weak.

Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy. How happy can I be knowing that I’m never going to be good enough for this family. Even if my greatest wish in the world is to be thin and healthy?

Tomorrow marks the last day of my summer internship with Bunim/Murray Productions. I am very happy to have had the experience of a production internship in Los Angeles and this opportunity was an eye opener for me. Being apart of the process (no matter what it is) of the making of these television shows that millions of people watch, and will watch, is very cool. I love that I get to say “I helped out with that, or I worked with these people” becuase all in all (good and bad) I love the television industry; and the feeling that I get knowing what goes on behind the scenes. I will love to be able to tell my friends about the different shows I got to work on, even if all I did was make runs to the copy machince or stock refrigerators. I don’t pretend that it was a dissappointment to not be completely hands on with the making of these shows, but the way I now see it, they already hired people to do that job, they don’t need an intern to swoop in and do it. Besides learning about systems this company uses, such as PilotWare, or the many different areas that this company has to offer, I learned that it is more important now to not give up on the dream I have had for so many years. I now know that there are a million people gunning for the same job that I want, and if I want it bad enough, I will stop at nothing to get what I want and show everyone that I deserve it and will do a wonderful job at it. So I may have not learned many things involving production at my internship, but I did learn about a company that makes reality shows; and as bad as some people might think they are, reality shows are popualr as ever and I was a part of the company that pioneered them. So even though some parts of California and some parts of my internship were not what I expected, I just know that I want to be in New York and work for NBC that much more and I hope that gives me the strength, and for lack of a better term, balls to succeed and get the job that I will be happy at and love doing. Hell, I don’t care how much I can bitch I got to work on Project Runway, The Real World Cancuun, Bad Girls Club 4, sneak peaks of Season 23 of Real World (can’t tell you where lol), and The Stylist (which might have a different name, i’m not sure lol). I got to cast for Bad Girls 4, be a stand-in at their house, do post and story development for all of the above and met some pretty awesome people along the way (no one famous though). And even though I didn’t live in LA, I know some pretty cool people who did and who I got to see every week =) That’s A Wrap, and it’s only the beginning.

I want to go back to New York right now. LOL. No in all honesty I’m glad to be here. Very thankful. Brea, CA is beautiful. It’s the epitome of suburbia. Los Angeles on the other hand is only rubbing me the wrong way becuase I can’t find a suitable safe parking situation. This is because I don’t reside in LA county, otherwise it would be easy for the most park. I’m glad to have friends so close by and glad that they are willing to help me out in any ways they are able to. I think I’m only frustrated because of transportation and parking, and for those who know me well I hate driving and furthermore hate driving in unknown territory! Funny thing is that I’m navigating just fine for the most part, its parking and trying not to get my car broken into, stolen, ticketed, or towed thats the problem. Which is one of the things I love about NYC. I don’t need a car and one doesn’t need to worry about parking what they don’t have! So New Yorkers, listen to me, be happy that you don’t have cars and you have to take the Subway =) the MetroCard, walking, and NYC Taxi are your friend. Love and cherish them.